when I am old I will wear purple . . . socks

OR, when lilacs last in the dooryard bloomed (kudos to Whitman)

I used to be bold. In fact, I’m quite sure I was seen by others to be assertive and confident. Now I aspire to the state of  bold (check the map; it’s close to the hamlet of satisfaction), which is a whole lot less satisfying. Purple socks for now.

These days (link to lacuna in ‘about me’; still no elaboration), as I try to force myself to live outside of my head, I find I’m shimmying in the right general direction, but making only crablike progress.

[confession and aside: the title above is incorrect, since I already AM old, but I prefer the sound of a sentence beginning with ‘when’]

You see, I’ve lately come to appreciate my superhero attributes: I am usually anonymous and invisible. I guess, the more miles on your feet (and face), the less substantial you become. The process must have started quite early and I should have realized that when people were repeatedly introduced to me–because they honestly didn’t remember encountering me before–I had the invisibility gene. In short, it has become full-blown and I can wander about both real and virtual worlds without causing the merest ripple in the [cliché alert] fabric of space.

Some people might be offended by evidence of their diminishing status,

but it gives me a new kind of freedom. I am completely inoffensive and non-threatening: how could I be anything else?

[updates to follow]


8 thoughts on “when I am old I will wear purple . . . socks

  1. I once had a job as a laborer–the only woman with a bunch of guys. When I first hired on, they treated me like the Invisible Woman. But I think they would’ve preferred it if the boss had hired the Invisible Man. (Those fellows soon came to love me, and, likewise, I came to love them.)
    I loved this post. Funny and wry. I’m glad you’re old and invisible too. It’s a great age we’ve arrived at!

  2. yeltnuh says:

    Thanks, Teresa. Once your ego gets past being ignored, it turns out to be fun.

  3. Judith Post says:

    Hmm, I don’t think of you that way. But I can see how it would be a freeing experience. I think of you as one of those quiet, behind-the-scenes type of people, and that’s a totally different thing. But I’m just starting to know you, so I could be wrong. When you speak, though, you have a real sense of authority.

  4. yeltnuh says:

    Now we arrive at the crux. I have had 2 personalities: the professional me (extrovert; an actor) and the ‘real’ me (introvert; the watcher/witness).

  5. Teresa Cleveland Wendel says:

    I just reread this post, and it’s even better the second time. Keep writing.

  6. yeltnuh says:

    What can I say? Flattery works. I’ll keep trying. Some weeks are more productive than others.

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